conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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