dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
