Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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