im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize