You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
