We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
