Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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