Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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