jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
