I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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