Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
