I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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