Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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