Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
