Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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