The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
