..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
