U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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