If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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