my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm really busy with my period
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