YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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