he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
