By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
