I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is my gift to your gina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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