I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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