That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Acid is not a monday night drug
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
