I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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