and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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