Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
