they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
