Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
