why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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