she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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