Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
