I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
