apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
