I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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