What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
