last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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