He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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