I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
