unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
