can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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