Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
