you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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