can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
MIDGETS
????
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
