dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
