If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
