I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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