"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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