my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
