I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
