When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
