my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
