I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
