I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
