you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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