There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
