How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
