well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
