Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
