I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
