Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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