that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
