So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize