why didn't you poke me back
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
