first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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