I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
