On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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