she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
