Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize