Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
